If Ever

This may draw some serious fire, BUT... sometimes I am forced to think of the many ailments that seem to afflict either myself, a family member, or a close friend. These are things that are awful and not much fun...thyroid problems, eye problems, knee and joint aches and pains and so on and so forth. Of all the problems we all seem to be afflicted with, it would appear fair to me that we should be able to at least pick one ailment with which we could trade or try out and if we like it better we could keep it. We should be able (in an ideal world) to say, "you know, a cold won't really work for me this week because I have a week long church event and while typically we are forced to bow our heads while in prayer (which, by the way, adds insult to injury if we think rationally about the times we are most likely to cry...ie..a funeral during prayers) which will cause my nose to run even more and I would like to trade that for laryngitis which will make people quit talking to me and therefore limit me from talking back." We could be handed a receipt for and exchange or something and somewhere else in the world a very happy person could trade their laryngitis for our cold.
Why does this matter , well because I have a laundry list of ailments that just plain bug!
Knee pain I would trade for turrets...How awesome to be able to shout and curse and have an iron clad excuse...and yes, I think it is only fair to exaggerate any given illness in the company of those who have been living in a way that clearly deserve what's comin at em.
Ulcer I would trade for narcolepsy...I am sorry, but what a fascinating disease! I know it sounds lighthearted, but I am clearly not coming from a light-hearted place. I find myself currently in some very long and exhausting meetings. What if in the middle I go limp and my head hits the desk with a resounding, "plunk" and I'm done. How could I ask for more. (Exaggeration also to get across a point of sheer boredom, but one would never know..this could be used any number of places
1. phone calls that last too long that you can't seem to get free from
2. Anyone trying to sell you something
3. Meetings
4. Church
5. While waiting in traffic (your head could land on the horn)
6. clogging...ok, now that was just for fun..because...seriously.. a hilarious picture in my head
you get my point.
I know people with these diseases would think it unfair and berate me for not thinking how devastating it is to be stared at and judged as a person who is clearly crazy...well, let me tell you....they look at me like that anyway! :)